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So the big question is this, what would you do if money didn’t matter? So you had millions in your bank account, what would you focus on? Would you spend more time with your family, with your wife, with your kids? Take family vacations.
Would you pursue your gifts and talents and dreams? Serve your local community, teach others, serve your church. You see if what you would do if money didn’t matter, it was pursuing your gifts and talents and dreams to serve others, and that is probably what you should be doing.
The problem is most people are in the rat race, living five inches in front of their face with no time to pursue what they were born to do. That is the problem, and the solution is to develop enough passive income to replace your working income so you can quit your job and be free to live your life the way you were created to.
That is a solution and this podcast will show you how…
Ryan Enk: Hey, what’s going on everybody? Welcome to another awesome episode of Cash Flow Dad Life. I’m your host Ryan Enk and today we’re going to talk about investing in your spouse.
And I have brought on a marriage expert…
He’s actually the director of faith in marriage for the Willwoods community down here in New Orleans, but also it’s a ministry that branches nationwide.
I’m extremely honored to have Jason Angelette, father of five, just like myself on the show and I just want to make sure you can hear me correctly. Jason, can you hear me?
Jason Angelette: All right, I hear you brother. Thanks for having me on, man.
Ryan Enk: Perfect. So, you know, a lot of times, you know, you might get a question, “Hey, I come here to listen to real estate investing advice and all this other stuff.”
We did an episode on the spousal effect where we talked about the effect that your spouse has on all the other aspects of your life.
Ryan Enk: And to me, this is such a core issue because I can’t tell you how many times I hear from people that, you know, “Hey, I’m really interested in getting started, but you know, my wife is the problem, or my husband is the problem.”
They’re, you know, there’s a lot of things that are factors that play into this. It could be fear, it could be trust, but you know, something that you told me once that always resonated with me is that you say that a lot of times the, the husband or the wife will come talk to you or talking together and counselors have reiterated this, but they always say that the number one problem that a husband has about his wife is that he doesn’t feel respected in all he does.
Jason Angelette: Yeah. And the number one problem that the woman says that she never feels like a priority.
Ryan Enk: So, you know, a lot of times we just think it’s surface issues. Like, oh, we don’t have enough money right now, or we don’t have this. It’s probably all related to those core issues.
So this episode we’re going to really, really dig into some of those things and, and also, you know, kind of talk about some of the solutions that are there and, and, and my hope for this episode that you guys get a ton of, a really practical, useful knowledge that you can go home and you can start having a better relationship with your spouse and that this investment that you make in your spouse, the way you do one thing is the way you do all things.
So if you can make a better investment in your spouse first as your foundation, then that will carry on to all the other things that you do in your life.
Ryan Enk: So a big welcome the Jason, if you could start us off, give us, give us your backstory. I mean you got started in this ministry, but tell us a little bit about, you know, how you got started in this ministry and you know, you’ve got a very, a very unique story about your family and stuff that you guys are currently going through.
If you could share that with me…
Jason Angelette: Again, I thank you so much for having me on the show and I’m so proud of you and all that you’re doing and the success that you’re bringing to your family and to the community and your witness that help you share with us on the on the retreats that you do to help strengthen married couples.
You know, my background, I guess I’m just, you know, obviously faith is extremely important for me. What God has done for me and where I’ve been in where I am today. God has really pulled me out some tough spots to say the least.
So trying to find a foundation in my life was what I was noticing time and time again…
Why, why, why was I falling apart at different places in my life. And I realized that, you know, I was kinda like that passage in Matthew’s Gospel or Jesus is saying about the two houses on two different foundations.
I was that house that no matter how hard I worked to build it up, it kept falling apart…
Jason Angelette: Realizing that my foundation that I was trying to establish my house on was made of sand. I was trying to do it my way. And, and, um, and finally, after so many tries and so many times my house falling apart, I finally gave God a. it’s kind of like Texas, hold ’em.
If you want to win the pot, you got to go all in. And I finally went all in with God and really started like you’re saying, fear and trust. My first, my relationship with God, I started, I needed to trust more, not be afraid of what he was asking of me and calling me to do.
And so everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. And so that transformed my life. And I began to see that even though it was difficult at times, that began to see the fruit of the labor, of working on that foundation.
Jason Angelette: And I just wanted that for not just for my marriage, I wanted that for everybody realizing that, you know, if we want to try to reach the stars, if we want to try to build this amazing house, um, then we’ve got to make sure that we’ve got a rock solid foundation.
I’ve found time and time again that God has proven himself in my life and the lives of other men and other families and other marriages and, and seeing that he is with us and he has something to say and something we’ve gotta we’ve gotta give, give God credit, given the chance to speak and say what he’s asking of us to do and, and then trust in him and, and see where the, where the chips fall.
And by the grace of God, God has shown himself that he is faithful.
Ryan Enk: Yeah, absolutely. So tell us a little bit about how you and your, uh, your wife met.
Jason Angelette: So I was, my background is actually in health promotion exercise science. That was my undergrad and I was a personal trainer and a fitness director at a big athletic club in Mandeville, Louisiana. And a workout guy like work out. And that was my focus, you know, because a lot of it too had to go with the idea of what it meant to be a man.
And I thought that an exercise and fitness, while that is very good and healthy and all that, I thought my identity was wrapped up in, in some of that. And so, um, so I, I drove a pretty hard in my life to have a, a, a strong physique and, and all that and learn the ways of the workout world. And uh, and it was, it was great. I had a great time with it and I got to help a lot of people.
Jason Angelette: But that’s where I met my wife and I remember she was, she was finishing up, she had one more year left with her, uh, her degree at university where you went to college. And it was this amazing Catholic university that had a faith, a community and uh, lived out, lived out faith that I really hadn’t seen before.
I’ve seen more people kind of checking things off their list of like what God is asking of them, but I haven’t really seen someone actually living out of faith relationship with God and she was beautiful and she is beautiful. But there was something else that was just wildly attractive about her.
And when I began to realize her faith, it was calling me out as a man to want to get things in order in my life. And I began to kind of have my journey in faith, uh, when, when she witnessed that love of God in her life for me.
Jason Angelette: So we started dating and, and um, by the grace you met her at the gym where you were. I was working out at the gym and uh, I saw will walk into the cardio room and it was my job as a, make sure that she knew how to work that treadmill because sometimes those, uh, on and off buttons can be hard to find on this drug.
Get it gets confusing. It gets dangerous. I mean, one small step up the try the near a. you’re on the ground, so I wanted to make sure she knew how to work that treadmill.
So purely it was, it was professional. I had to walk over and introduce myself and probably said a few other things and just wanted to let her know that I was there to help if she ever needed anything.
Jason Angelette: And then, which I quickly then went over to a friend of mine who was working with me at the time and I was trying to be cool. And I was like, “Hey, so who is that girl,” you know? And she’s like, the guy was like, “Look, Jason, forget about it. She’s dating somebody, they’re practically married. They’ve been dating for like four or five years.”
And I was like “practically married” and I thought of the movie dumb and dumber where Lloyd Wright, he says, “What are the chances of a girl like me and a guy like you ever getting together to practically married practically, practically? No. Was it one in a million?”
That’s what it was. One of the yet. So that was my thought that always helps me today and there’s a chance that you’d say that there’s a chance and a praise be to God.
Jason Angelette: There was a chance. And uh, we started dating and uh, but yeah, so we met at the gym but um, but uh, it was, it was a relationship that I’m again to challenge me in so many ways and it drew me into a deeper relationship with God, which then catapulted me to where I am today, where I ended up leaving that career and we moved to Washington dc to get a masters in theological studies.
The John Paul two incidents, size of marriage and family, um, were there for two years, got the masters, came home. I taught at an Archbishop Rummel high school. I taught at Archbishop Hannan High School.
I taught a semester at Our Lady of Holy Cross college and I just felt God calling me out of teaching and into more of a Ministry of specifically for married couples.
And that’s since 2007. I’ve been with Willwoods community. Know your, your marriage hasn’t always been peaches and cream.
Jason Angelette: It’s not like you get married, you say I do. And then you ride into the sunset as most people who are married understand that, you know?
Ryan Enk: Of course, you know, you’ve got five beautiful children, but you guys received some news a couple of years ago that really kind of turned everything on its head and really put your marriage to the test and your faith to the task. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Jason Angelette: Yeah. So about four years ago, I’m, elise was first diagnosed with stage three breast cancer and um, you know, I remember telling the kids, we, you know, we, we brought them together and we were honest with them.
We told them what was going on, what was happening. But I remember I remember telling him like, like as you’re saying, it’s, it’s like, and it just be whenever you get married, it’s not like you just press autopilot and all the bliss that you’ve been experiencing in engagement will just catapult you into this new encounter of bliss.
Jason Angelette: In marriage without any work or without, uh, without hardship and without challenges. And um, and the same is true like in our faith, we’re, we’re just because I say I believe in Jesus and I have God as my savior. Like it doesn’t mean that then the storms don’t come.
What it means is, is that if we built our house from the foundation, when the storms come that we will not be overcome by the storms. So it doesn’t mean the storms don’t stop coming. It means that God gives us away.
He gives us strength and he gives us the grace that we need to encounter whatever storm that our lives will be a whatever will ever throw at us in a big storm came to us in 2014 whenever we were, um, uh, first diagnosed with stage three breast cancer and elise went through chemotherapy surgeries.
Jason Angelette: She went through radiation and after a year of treatment, um, we were, we did the scans and everything came back clear. And we were, we celebrated that for an entire year. We were, we will look great and everything was going fine.
We were trying to get some things worked out as still health wise, but it was definitely in a much better place than we work for, but almost a year to that day from being clear. Um, we found out that it spread and it sets the stage for now and it’s been in the lungs, the liver at the lymph nodes.
It’s been in her abdomen and respond and she, at one point she had 40 tumors in her brain. And so, um, and we’ve been fighting it ever since. And uh, unfortunately right now, barring a miracle or a breakthrough in Montessori in modern medicine, um, that there is no cure.
Jason Angelette: But thanks be to God there’s treatment. And so we’ve got a, we’ve got to work on obviously making sure that we’re on top of our scans and pet scans and Mris and making sure we’re on the right chemo and keeping track of the side effects and the symptoms that are associated with it.
But all the while not giving up, not, not feeling like I’m, you know, I told the kids and everything, I told the kids were not brought everybody together. And one of the many times I said, um, you know, guys, is this gonna make us weaker as a family, are stronger as a family.
I said, is this going to make us, um, divided or you more united in sf, but God’s grace will be more united and will be stronger of a family because of it. And that’s the thing like what we’re talking about with the, our support from our spouses is that if we can see the beauty of the strength of when two are gathered, right, in marriage were two will become one.
Jason Angelette: God is put together a powerhouse, uh, to be able to overcome any challenges. We have to do. But the question is, do we believe that?
And we have to avoid the temptations that will then make this team that can withstand anything, uh, become something that’s destroyed from within. And now as we’re supposed to be on the same team, we’re then turning in on each other and we’re attacking each other from, within.
I forgot one of the quotes that I remember when Mel Gibson, after he made, uh, the passion of the Christ, he made apocalypto. I was like, why is he making this movie?
Then when he made the movie at the beginning of it, there was a quote that said, um, the basically paraphrasing the destruction of a society. Does that come from without, but it comes from within. And the same is true.
Jason Angelette: I think in marriage, the, uh, the destruction of a marriage is, is going to happen from within, I think more than from the outside because if we’re united, if we’re on the same page, if we’re, if we’re both in this, in this together, then it doesn’t matter what comes, it could be bankruptcy, it could be cancer, it could be whatever.
And by the grace of the sacrament, by the grace of God, we will be able to overcome these storms and overcome these challenges…
And you see that when it’s played out, well, like even in, instead of it being like intense cases like cancer or bankruptcy, it just shows the, our culture benefits our country benefits our society or towns or churches or parishes benefit when Matt, when marriages are stronger, the, uh, the church teaches this, that the fundamental cell of society is the family and the family talks about the future of the world and of the church.
Jason Angelette: The church teaches the future of the world and the church passes through the family. So the stronger the marriages, which is built on that, the marriage is the famous built on, the stronger the marriage, the stronger the family, stronger everything.
And the stronger the economy. Um, there’s studies out there that show that married men earn substantially more per hour than men who are currently unmarried or not. Currently married. Married workers are more likely than unmarried workers to when higher performance ratings and higher performance ratings are strong, are strongly positively related to a probability of promotion.
So the probability of recent hires receiving a on top a top from a performance ratings. All these show, these are men in it, regardless of your education, your race, your region that you’re in the age, your work experience, this is all taken into account.
Married men benefit better in these fields of study and work. Why? Because I think that there’s a stronger support system and when we’re on the same page and we’re, we’re, we have this foundation at home, taking care of and strong, then then we can go out and do so much more when we have that backing and that support of people behind you who are supporting you, who, who are, you know, therefore you and who are helping you along the way instead of trying to ride this thing alone.
Ryan Enk:Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I, I remember, um, you know, not just in those, in those very internal sense, but like in a very real sense, like marriage strengthens you and you know, you, you speak mostly from your profession as you know, a marriage minister, you know, and I can speak from an from business.
Like I used to think that I was a really good communicator until I got married…
Then my wife challenged me to where I really thought, man, I need to get way better at communicating and that has translated into, you know, how I treat my employees, how I treat business partners, how I treat everybody, how I negotiate real estate deals.
Ryan Enk: It’s amazing how foundational that is. Um, and, and it totally made sense to me. Yeah, if you embrace the challenge, right? Because the problem is that if, when we have challenges in marriage and we want to jump ship, we missed the opportunity to grow in a weakness in our relationship and, and in, in our, in our. And so it’s, it’s a, it’s a missed opportunity.
And so whenever we, the benefit that it’s able to translate into our work profession is that we’ve, we’ve allowed it to affect us in home, to change us, to strengthen us, to help us understand better.
And so we take this new found knowledge and experience and then we have real world experiences outside of the home that we can apply and say, this is, I know I’ve messed up over here at these were my short and vice versa. It works both ways, but we have such a great platform at home to be able to learn how to be a better communicator outside them.
Jason Angelette: Right? Yeah. It makes total sense to me that, uh, that some of those stats that you were reading that, that married, married men are, are, uh, are achieving more and it’s probably because of them allowing themselves to be refined through their marriage process.
Ryan Enk: Absolutely. And real quick, I just, I just want to make our listeners aware and to also affirm you and give you a shout out because you know, what Jason just shared with us guys is, you know, his, you know, his wife was diagnosed with stage three cancer. She’s currently in stage four.
Whereas most people turn inward and most people think of, you know, their own needs. What Jason and elise have done is created a foundation called bonus hope and the mission of this, um, this foundation is to give to other people who are going through cancer and to give hope to them.
And so they prepared different packages. There’s a lot of things they do. They also, you know, like, I’m Kinda like a make a wish foundation a little bit like they’ll, they’ll send people on vacations that are going through cancer, uh, is just a really a really huge light in the darkness for people that are going through cancer. So, um, so I really want to give a shout out to you guys, one for turning outward in your time of suffering and thinking about how you can help other people and uh, and two for creating that foundation. And three, where can people go if they want to give to boone is hope because I do.
Jason Angelette: Thanks for saying that. And really again to, to elise. I mean that was in the middle of all of this. She’s thinking of others.
She put this thing together and, and you know, we’ve had multiple families going on different trips or in times where there’s been a tragedy or just an illness or challenge, I’m giving them a chance to reconnect as a family.
We’ve seen that being extremely important, um, to when, when something happens to bring key people, keep families together where some of these things it can cause a lot of hurt and, and, and time away and confusion and just a chance to kind of enjoy and to pray and to laugh and to, and to, um, build that, those relationships strong.
Jason Angelette: So yeah buna hope. And also I highly recommend everybody to check out a Elisa’s blog https://every-little-thingblog.com/…and you can learn more about the story of buna hope and learn more about elise and that’s, that’s where elise is. Buena. That was a name that her brother gave her when she was real little. And so, um, but anyway, uh, that you can read that up on her blog.
https://every-little-thingblog.com/ If you type that out, you can, you can like the Bob Marley song, every little thing, every little thing, because we can bring a little thing blog.
You just never go to the blog. You can look up and then you will see team Buna. You can do that in my wife’s name is Elise and our last name is Angelette.
Jason Angelette: So you just google team Buna and there’s a place to give on their google team. Buna are Google every little thing, like I said, the song, every little thing, the little thing through her blog and through a team bonus is where you can contribute to it.
And some of those things that we do, like you said, like the trips away for families who are going through a tough spot and sending them, giving them a chance to just be together and that’s so valuable, especially during those times of challenge and bring, keeping them, make sure that they’re staying connected together, um, in, in that relationship of family.
And then we have like Buena boxes where the family gets like a. it’s Kinda like, um, a variety of things that is for the family. So it was put together by families for families.
Ryan Enk: Yup. Awesome. All right, so guys, that’s definitely checkout team Buena and check out.
Jason’s wife’s blog, every little thing, blog, and there’s all kinds of helpful pick me up, offers an amazing writer. She got a great reach. So let’s get into the nitty gritty details of, you know, taking that concept, you know, people are wanting to get started in whatever it is pursuing the life of their dreams, investing in real estate.
And there’s that fear of trust of the and the number one problem being that the man doesn’t feel respected and the one priority. How do you troubleshoot that?
Why is that the case and how do you troubleshoot that?…
Jason Angelette: You know, one of the things that I think happens a, especially when, when as men, you know, a lot of times don’t speak it for as, as a man because I’m a man, but, um, I, you know, I can get focused in, on a project. I remember one night I was gonna take all the cabinet doors.
I’ll have our kitchen and I, W I took the old ones off. I bought new ones. Uh, and I had to, I had to prime it, I had to paint it and I had to hang it. So I did all of that in, in one night. I did that, right? I mean I literally the kids, elise went to her mom’s house and I finished around 6:00 that morning.
I went through the entire day into the night, finish it up in about 5:00 in the morning. I was picking everything up and I was going in the shower and I was going to sleep, you know, and that’s just, there’s this focus on this drive and I think that what ends up happening is, is that we kind of do that a lot in our relationships with our kids, with God, with our relationship with God, with our spouse.
Jason Angelette: Where we’ll say, okay, I’m going to focus in on this project and I’m doing all this, but as soon as I’ve finished this then that can be more present with my wife. So we, we zone in on a project and what we do is we kind of put everything else aside like, like, because we stay focused and that’s what a good…
Very productive is if we can just put all the other things aside and focus on what’s important, but I guess we got to be challenged on what is really important and it’s not to say that we need to not do the jobs that we’re trying to do, but we need to make sure that we’re.
We’re, we’re keeping back our focus and staying connected with our spouse.
My point is is that, you know, we can get so busy focusing on all these things and we think that as soon as I can get these things done, they’re not, then I’ll be able to have that time with my wife and with my kids.
Jason Angelette: But what ends up happening is, is that that list of to do’s never gets to completely done. There’s always something else grabbing my attention.
I got to find time to put that aside and come back to this relationship and it sounds counterproductive, but like what we’re talking about with the importance of married men and the benefit that that is for, for their profession and as leaders or providers as husbands, is to make sure that we don’t compromise that fundamental foundational relationship.
And so we’ve got to put those projects them. We’ve got to just say it’s over. It’s, it’s for today. I got to put this aside and I got to reconnect with my spouse.
So I think the thing is, is, is one thing is that making sure that we’re not putting our spouse, our children on hold when it comes to the things that we’re doing in life and we’ve got to make sure that we’re staying connected and so it’s, it’s fundamental to have this kind of daily connection with our spouse and you know, in faith is really important to, to pray together as a couple.
Jason Angelette: To have that due, to do that daily. Not only my own prayers, but no matter how busy things get, I need to make sure that I’m keeping that priority of checking in.
And so I think what happens, the reason why the spouse, the husband doesn’t feel respected is that a lot of times the spouse, the husband has left his wife.
I’m not physically or not, you know, not in, but they’ve just, he’s checked out and he’s too much checked into his work that she feels like she’s on the back burner.
It’s Kinda like with kids the same that goes rules without relationship lead to rebellion, right? So we tell our kids all these roles and we say don’t do this, don’t do that. But if we’re not building that relationship with them and spending time with them and nurturing that relationship, they’re going to look at all those rules and be like, I’m out.
Jason Angelette: This is bunk. And same as. I think it’s staying kind of true. Like if I’m wanting to be the husband, the leader and the provider, if I’m not working on that relationship with my wife and communicating with her and checking up with her. And seeing how she’s doing and, and, and, and, and keeping her up to date on things.
Then it’s going to lead to her in a central rebelled and rebelling for rebelling against Oliver that you know, because it’s, she’s going to feel like she’s left in the dust and you got married not to leave her in the dust. You got married to, to ride on this adventure together.
Ryan Enk: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That’s, I mean that’s a, that’s, that’s an incredible a statement right there. Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. That’s definitely something to chew on. Yeah. What about what about and sometimes the way that we receive things because a lot of times we think that we are investigating.
Yeah, we think that we’re investing properly, but it is the, we’re, we’re, we’re investing in the wrong ways. It’s like, you know, so can you touch on that a little bit?…
Jason Angelette: Yeah. Two things. Forest with this kind of talks about what we were talking about, like with problems in the relationship like and how those problems that we, if we allow them, if we grow in those, those areas that we’re struggling with, they make us better communicators, they make us make us better spouses and they make us better people to interact and engage with conversations and work and all that.
So like just to be mindful that in marriage there will be problems, not that you know, there might be, there will be and there might be challenges that come from within or come from without, but if we, if we can not be let those storms overwhelm us and just see it as an opportunity.
Jason Angelette: So whenever there’s a challenge in our marriage, regardless of where it comes from, see that, that is an opportunity for growth. That just like the labor pains of a woman means that new life is about to happen in moments of challenges when you’re butting heads and things aren’t working right.
That is the on the door knocking and opportunity to go deeper and to be more united and to be stronger as a couple than ever before.
If we can pass through the pain of all of that and look past the moment and the, our own frustrations and our pride and all that. If we can look past that, we’ve got growth that’s coming and it’s gonna. It’s gonna make us a stronger, a couple of family. Everything.
But the other thing is again, the eye. Some of the things that I’ve learned. And, and um, this was a great book that was put by a Dr Gary Chat and called the five love languages and you know, we talk about investments, right?
Jason Angelette: So, you know, it’s like if, if I have my portfolio and I’m investing in a, in a bad investment, um, you know, it might be wise for me to kind of see, well maybe I need to look at other options, right? This isn’t working so I’m trying this and it’s not working.
Do I keep doing the same thing or do I need to maybe try to be a little bit more, a little bit more variety in my portfolio? It’s, it’s, you know, just to expound upon the analogy, it’s like you’re using the wrong currency for the investment. You can buy a three bedroom, two bath house with Bitcoin, right?
Ryan Enk: Exactly. It’s about using the right currency. So if you could, you could touch on this. So this is, um, I’m building this long winded, but I’m building to this. So Dr Gary Chapman talked about the five love languages and he says that there’s different ways that we speak love to others, um, different ways that we receive love really well from others and also so how does that work in a relationship?
Jason Angelette: So basically you said that there’s five love languages. He says there’s quality time, physical touch, affirmation, words of affection, a affirmation and physical touch, quality time, gifts, an extra service. Okay. So those are the five. So basically what he says is that we all speak, um, love to one another differently. And, and one of the things that I, I talk about on the retreats that we offer is that, you know, give you an example.
So, um, you know, let’s say I come home one day from work and Elisa isn’t home, she’s running errands with the kids and I got enough time, I cleaned the dishes, I put the dishes away, right? Um, I, I see the laundry is, is, is overloaded.
So I fold laundry and put all the laundry away. I still got time and I look outside of the lawn, looks Kinda high.
Jason Angelette: So I go outside and cut the grass, you know, and uh, and I, and I finished doing all that and I come back inside and uh, and I take a shower and elise comes home, the kids to bed that night. And she sits and she says, you know, “Jason, I don’t feel like you love me. ”
And I’m like, are you kidding me? Did the dishes, I did the laundry. You, what do you want me to do? And the question is, is that well, what love language in my speaking and I’m speaking acts of service, I’m serving her, I’m serving her outside and the lawn by cutting it, by taking care of the dishes, by taking care of the laundry.
My gift is this…
But she says to me, Jason, I think we wo”uld just, we haven’t been able to me and you just hang out.”
Like I just want to sit on the couch and just talk. We haven’t been able to do that in forever it seems. And then so what? Then what’s her? What’s her love? Language quality. It’s quality time.
So that means that like if I, if I want to really invest love into somebody, especially like my wife and her, if her love languages is quality time than I need to make sure that I’m really investing in that particular language. I’m speaking that language tour.
And what Gary Chapman says is that when we speak that language, that language love to our spouse, to our beloved, then their love tank is full. Meaning that a lot of these other stresses that you know, we might run into on a daily basis, what really mean that big of a deal because they’ll feel loved, they’ll feel a priority, they’ll feel appreciated, they’ll feel nourished, they’ll feel chosen, they’ll feel cherished.
Jason Angelette: So, and which is one of the main things that we’re hearing from, from specifically, particularly women wives who are complaining about their husbands and they feel like they’re not being shows she, he chooses his golf game, he chooses his work, he chooses his friends, he doesn’t choose me. And so then if she, if she doesn’t feel chosen, then maybe a one of a passive aggressive way of expressing that pain to the person is not respecting them.
I don’t care what you’re doing, you don’t love me, you know? And so it’s just this kind of, this is bad, this a cycle that just goes back and forth and that brings them down. So. So one of the things is to go and find out what is your wife’s, your spouse, love language. Is it affirmation? If it is it acts of service, is it quality time?
Jason Angelette: Is it gifts? Um, find out what that, that love languages and speak and speak it off and it maybe there might be two love languages, maybe there’s one that she is, that’s the big one, but maybe there’s a second one that’s really close and just in state and say both of those, and maybe it might be easier for you to speak, let’s say acts of service, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try hard to work on the other ones just because it’s, it’s harder.
It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and just because it’s easy doesn’t mean that that should be the dominant one that you do.
Ryan Enk: Yeah, absolutely. Now, here’s, here’s the million dollar question that I know that some people are thinking because a lot of people hear that and they’re like, well, if she knows that the way that I give love is by acts of service than who, but you know, that the way that she receives love is quality time who bends.
Jason Angelette: Right. And I think that she needed to focus more on seeing the ways that you love her or does do you? I would, I would say more of like, you know, to love is to, will the good of the other right to love does not mean to dominate the other in such a way that they love you, like you want to be loved. And I think that like, I think it naturally will happen.
Know that if you, if you can understand more where her love languages and speak that and right and if and if she could understand more where your love languages and speak that I think there’s this natural give that you want, you wanna you want to give more of yourself.
You want to challenge yourself and rise up to the, that level of. I mean the whole thing is like, you know, whenever, I don’t know who had an easy, you know, like getting, you know, dating and engagement for the most part.
Jason Angelette: It wasn’t all smooth sailing. I mean there were challenges, there was a give and take that you had to, you had to put on the table. You had to say, you know what, uh, you know, hanging out with my friends all the time or playing that video game all the time wasn’t the most productive thing for our relationship.
And if I wanted our relationship to continue that I needed to let go of those things for the sake of something feel much more important, which is my wife. So that’s the priority that we need to place.
And so what ends up happening is, is that, um, if we don’t remember that sense of, of love, sacrificial love that we need to give to the other, then we’re going to find ourselves going back to the things that makes us happy, which is now I’m focusing my relationship in my life on myself and not on the other.
Jason Angelette: And that is not a win. And so, so when it comes to, I think couples, I think that if we can both see the other being humble in their approach to one another and not prideful, that kind of, that, that humble response I think will bring about a humble response from the other, which will then want them to appreciate the ways that you love them and appreciate, um, and also to, and without, without compromising the way that you feel best loved.
Ryan Enk: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So that’s, that’s, that’s the number one a, that’s the number one tip is to understand your spouse’s love language. Um, and then from there, you know, the answer to that question is you should speak the love language of your spouse and not wait for them to understand how you’re giving it.
That’s the nature of love. And I will say, I will say this though, like so the, the five love languages like what we’re talking about and there’s many great communication tips and techniques and skills that we can, we can develop.
Jason Angelette: It’s like that. And they’re great and we, and we need tools. But I always like to say that like a marriage, you don’t build your marriage on your toolbox, you don’t build your marriage on on tips and techniques, you build it on a foundation.
And again, I stress the importance of our faith in Christ who gives us that foundation and we use these tips and techniques and tools to help strengthen and bolster our relationship and, and, and build it. But because you can take these, I’ve heard it said before and a couple of really in a relationship where the, the wife knew her husband’s love language and when she was mad at him, she would withhold that love language because she really wanted to give it to them.
You know, she really wanted to make it hurt on him so she would, she would be silent on that love language because she was mad at him.
Jason Angelette: And so instead of this being a tool that builds a relationship, it becomes a weapon that’s causing greater division. And so these types of things should never be used as a, as a weapon for the other. Remember the importance of the two have become one.
And building that relationship and being humble in that relationship because without that, then you see each other as enemies in this relationship. And that would, that’s that destruction from within that we were talking about earlier.
Yeah, guys, uh, understanding this is a, is a tremendous power. Um, you know, understanding how love languages work, but just like spiderman with great power comes great responsibility, you know, so, so don’t use it as a weapon.
Ryan Enk: You know, it’s, you know, it’s so interesting…
I chose to have this episode specifically with Jason Because, you know, we’ve talked about investing in your, you know, we talked about the spousal effect before and a former podcast and this is just kind of taking a deeper dive into it.
But the reason I’m doing this because, you know, on the one hand we’re looking at what can make you more successful, um, and, and what can, what can make you more effective, not necessarily, but more effective.
And it’s like that, you know, we talked about it before, like rocky doesn’t fight well unless Adrian is supporting him. And so the best thing that you could do is really invest in your spouse. What a lot of people don’t understand.
And I’ve gone through many, many, many as a real estate investor, I’ve gone through many, many, many, uh, houses that have gone through foreclosure. And I would say, you know, if I had to put a number to it, I’d say 70 to 80 percent of them, or as a result of divorce.
And what you noticed right away, know what Jason has come in and talk first about is you know, being a spiritually sound, you know, that’s the foundation, but spiritual bankruptcy leads to marital bankruptcy.
Ryan Enk: And that’s what I see in a very physical sense. Completely real. This isn’t, you know, just like, you know, talking theory when I go into houses of people who are bankrupt, who have gone through foreclosure, is their marriage is in shambles.
There is some sort of spiritual bankruptcy there. That’s why I say the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So you can invest, you know, if, if you can be spiritually abundant and have a fulfilling marriage, it takes you investing in those things.
So I recommend before you even start figuring out how to make money, you’ve got to have a purpose, you have to have a driven purpose behind that. And if you do not have the support of your spouse, then you need to make your first investment in, in your spirituality and God, and then your second investment and your spouse get that air tight and that will give you the effectiveness and the success in other areas of your life.
Ryan Enk: That’s something that, you know, when, when I, I remember your story, right? I remember, um, you know, when, whenever you were stuck in your, your career that you didn’t like and, and, and, and it was Danielle, your wife who hated it, who she, she wasn’t new, her support was beautiful, right?
I mean, she, she called you out to kind of take that step and she supported you along the way and I’m sure that you’ve learned some, some, some great insights on that.
That’s the thing is that like you having that support from your wife to, to take those steps, but we got to remember not to leave them in the dust that we’ve got to it without that relationship, these, these, you know, my job as a provider, if I’m not keeping in that, that communication with my wife on how she’s doing and making the time and making the sacrifices for our marriage and putting our marriage as a strong priority, as a top priority above all the career moves when I start.
Because if again, the stronger the marriage we’re talking about, the stronger your health is stronger,
Jason Angelette: The society does stronger, your employment, all these things benefit from having a strong marriage. You can’t think that your career is going to make your marriage, your marriage will make your career strong.
And so if you can focus in and not lose sight and lose priority, and when you do fall, fix it, like go back and say, look, I’m really sorry for, for not including united, not talking to you more about this. I need your support. I want you to.
I want you to be, be with me in this and I don’t want you to feel like I left you in the ducts and, and helped me to make sure that I’m not going to do that again and I need and I give you permission to call me out and so remind me of first who, who I am and what we’re doing here.
Jason Angelette: And I think those kinds of, of opportunities in conversation with your spouse can, can speak volume in and don’t think that you gotta like be this perfect provider, um, and leave her in the dust and along the way.
Ryan Enk: Yeah, absolutely. And especially you guys have to be on the same page when you’re pursuing something new, you know? Uh, I think, uh, yeah, I definitely got it from you. You told me, um, some, some really crucial advice and that’s w, um, it’s, if, if it’s not good for one spouse, it’s not good for either of them. That’s right. I was good at it as a great opportunity for yourself, but if it’s not good for your wife or your husband, then it’s not good for either of you. Ultimately.
Jason Angelette:: Yeah, yeah, that’s right though. Jan and Lloyd Tate taught us that early on in our marriage. If it’s not good for, for either of us, it’s not good for both that this, um, you know, we, we’ve got to make sure that we’re, we’re again staying, staying connected.
Jason Angelette: That’s why I highly recommend a couple’s going on, uh, uh, an annual retreat to, to just sometimes to reconnect and such. We can become two ships passing in the night and we need that time, not a vacation. You need a vacation from your vacation.
And that’s what I find retreats are where there’s this specific focus in your relationship. And just like in careers where you, you work on investing and you, you, you, you study up on things, you read books, podcasts to help you grow in your knowledge of your career.
The same should be true in your marriage. Like marriage just don’t automatically start thriving. You don’t press autopilot and it’s no easy way. You’ve gotta work at it and if you, no matter how much time you spent one year of your life on it, if you don’t come back every day, every week, every month, every year, and to reinvest in some way, shape or form, it’s not going to thrive like it shouldn’t.
Jason Angelette: You’re going to feel the consequences of it. Just like in your career in professions, if a, if a business owner does not stay on top of the trends, is not, is not aware of that. The new things that are out there and trying to reach their, their, their clients or customers.
It’s not going to work. It’s not gonna be successful. They’re not reinvesting in their product and that reinvesting in their, their ability to serve their customers.
Let’s talk about that a little bit too, because some of the sages just advice that I’ve received from the best married couples is, you know, a lot of times people get married and they think that’s it. I don’t have to make any more effort, but I see some of the most beautiful marriages out there.
They’re going on a date once a week. They’re constantly, they don’t feel like they all, like, you’re, you’re stagnant in your business.
Jason Angelette: If you think you know everything and you stop reading, you stop educating yourself. And so it’s important to continue to study your spouse.
Yes. Yeah, just write your father in law, right? Uh, they, they, they talk about that a lot on, on the retreats with us, which by the ways guys, uh, you know, my father in law has got 11 children, so he knows a little bit about loving the priority of them first over the children.
So it’s, it’s the spouses first and then the children come after that. Um, and that, keeping that priority, what, what that does is that makes for a strong foundation because again, the statistics and the, the, the, the challenges that happened from divorce on children with the effects of divorce on children are crazy. And we’ve gotta we’ve gotta be mindful of that, right?
So, so that priority of keeping first, that relationship that’s going to benefit the children and as he talks about is to study your spouse and to make that time and that investment.
Jason Angelette: So there’s two things. One would be to that, the the error again, like were we just talking about a thinking that when you get married that you don’t have to do any more work, that it should just naturally work. If there’s any fights and you’re like, well, maybe I got married the wrong person and that’s not the case.
What we need to see is that marriage requires effort because love is challenging. It’s not that like it. She’s challenging is that love is challenging and so then therefore it’s going to require me to dig deep.
It’s going to require me to go above and beyond the call of duty if we want this to grow into really thrive and which goes to another maybe analogy of like a garden. Like, you know, think about like leading up to your marriage, your marriage, your wedding day. You spend a lot of time, a lot of money.
Jason Angelette: I’m putting it the whole thing together. But then just like in a garden, I could spend an entire, let’s say few days putting the mulch and the right plans and, and, and getting the right soil and all that stuff.
And putting it together, but if I don’t come back to it and water it and prune it and pull out the weeds and re mulch or whatever I got to do, if I don’t do that, that garden is not gonna stay like it is.
It’s gonna. It’s not gonna thrive like it is going to be overrun is going to be the choked and it’s not gonna. It’s not gonna grow. But if I come back to it, it’s going to thrive. And I remember going to a, um, at this like little nurse or a nursery. Um, it was like, uh, this place in Covington, um, uh, to get plants, stuff like that.
Jason Angelette: And I was trying to get the guy’s advice I wanted, like give me the three quick tips to make for a successful garden. Right? Because I wanted to have my own tomatoes and in my own, you know, Zucchini and, and all that coming out of my garden.
And I wasn’t being successful because I wasn’t putting the time into it. And now I was trying. I was spending the money, but I wasn’t getting the, the, the fruit that I really wanted, the vegetables that I really wanted. Right.
So the guide basically as, as he was listening to me and I kind of knew this, but he kind of stopped because I was trying to find these quick tips.
What’s the fastest, what’s the easiest? And you said you said Jason, there’s a guy that comes in here, he’s got the best guard in the city. He’s proud about in his eighties, but what he does is he’s in his garden every single day.
Jason Angelette: He’s in it every single day pulling out the bugs, pulling out the weeds, watering it, making sure the soils right do, he’s doing all the work that he needs to do and he’s got the best garden in the city.
And it brought me back to the point of I can’t, there’s no shortcuts if, if there’s something is so important as my, my life and my love together with my wife that I need to make sure that, that I’m putting the priority and I’m not trying to get like a quick fix to get, make it work.
I’ve got to invest and it’s the little things. So the big things, it’s taking the date nights, it’s going on the retreat. It’s connecting once a day at least and talking with one another, putting the tvs, uh, and the, and the Netflix series aside, the, this is us episode.
Jason Angelette: It can wait. Just focus on power y’all doing and talking to really good the other way. Last week it was a pretty good, it was excellent. But you gotta stay connected. And it’s.
What is the point though? If I know more about Jack and Becca, but I don’t know about my wife, if I, if I know the sensitivity and the inner workings of the, of the Pearson families, but I don’t know the inner workings and the sensitivity of what’s going on in the Angela at home, what am I doing?
And so I’m losing priority and, and, uh, and, and again, why, why am I losing priority? Well, because maybe it’s, it’s hard to maybe address some of the things that need to talk about and, and it’s just easier for me to put on a show. Well, if you do that, like how if you did that in business, what would happen?
So the question, the point that I want to make is, is that asking for help, investing in your marriage is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you’re committed, that you’re serious about your love for your beloved and that you want this to work and you don’t want to take your love for her and your relationship for granted.
Ryan Enk: Awesome man. Great, great words, great words. And if there’s anything that you guys should take away from this is that you’ve got to prune your garden, your Zucchini, you’re, you know, you’ve got, you’ve got to invest. There’s no quit, there’s no quick fix, there’s no easy way out, there’s no, there’s, there’s passive income and real estate, but there’s no passive income and investing your spouse.
It’s a continual process and it’s something that needs to be worked on. And the good news is that it’s a lot of fun if you’ve got a really great marriage. So, um, so thank you so much, man, for coming on the show and sharing all that.
A couple of resources to leave you guys with once again, um, you know, Jason and Elise’s charity is Bunas hope. https://every-little-thingblog.com/ You can google that. and then we also talked about her blog, which is Every Little Thing. Jason also has a podcast called At the Heart. Is that on itunes?
Jason Angelette: It’s on itunes. You can also go on youtube and subscribe the Youtube Channel and we do a video of it. And then we take the audio and put it into the podcast.
Ryan Enk: Awesome. Awesome. And good https://faithandmarriage.org/at-the-heart-jason-angelette/Jason is a good looking dude too. He’s not like me. I mean, he’s really easy on the eyes of God. God bless you, brother. Got some. Got some solid pectorals from his workout days back in the day. Um, but uh, so at the heart radio. And then we also talked about the five love languages is a book that she can get. It’s a pretty popular book. If anybody’s struggling in their marriage. I highly recommended a couple, Greg and Julie Alexander. That’s their book is called, “Marriage 911.”
It’s a phenomenal book. They have an amazing story of a couple who were both on the brink of seeking for divorce. And God just expose some amazing, a truce and in their life of what they were missing.
Jason Angelette: They rebuilt their foundation stronger than ever. They have great ministry, but especially if you’re struggling in your marriage, highly recommend marriage nine slash 11. What’s the bed? Do you have a page that a through wilwoods or something that’s got all the resources?
Because I actually go on our website at faith and marriage dot for that org fate in the marriage that work and you can see all kinds of stuff. We’ve got a previous, um, uh, you know, the series, the at the heart. We’ve got a great marriage enrichment program that can be done with a group of couples at your home or I’m at in your church parish. It’s called a united in love united in Christ.
We have obviously our retreats. If anybody wants to come down to Covington, Louisiana. We’ve got an amazing facility. We just had this great renovation. It’s the combinations.
Jason Angelette: The food is incredible. It’s a great weekend retreat and also it’s great for your marriage and in a highly recommend every couple of. Do this at least once a year. You can find out resources, information. We have a great of an additional resource.
We have another blog called, I’m always hoped that Dr Mario Sookasa, he, we just hired Dr. Mario wanted the faith in marriage and ministry and he’s part of the team now trying to offer retreats and presentations and things like that.
Ryan Enk:So. Well, awesome guys, I hope you guys can take advantage of that. Jason, thank you so much for coming on the show.
Jason Angelette: Thanks for having me on. Good seeing you, man. Thanks for all that you’re doing. Thanks brother.
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